First impressions can be powerful, but we tend to focus solely on how we come across to others or how they appear to us. There’s another side to first impressions that tends to be overlooked, and it’s critical for good communication, not to mention being a decent human being. I’d like us to flip the equation and consider the first impressions you form when encountering a new place, person, or situation—often without realising.
We tend to limit ourselves to the superficial
When you walk into an important meeting, you’re often advised to “look the part,” “exude confidence,” and demonstrate the right kind of eye contact. The aim is to give the best first impression, because evidence tells us that humans rely heavily on the first information they receive, sometimes without even realising. It seems harmless enough to dress for the situation and behave for the context, but if you take research into first impressions and internal biases to its logical conclusion, you should probably also make yourself tall, good-looking and give yourself the “right” name (a reality unfortunately faced daily by many marginalised groups).
Unconscious bias training and diversity and inclusion programs can help us recognise patterns, and assist organisations to reduce the likelihood of excluding someone for the wrong reasons. But it’s important we also train ourselves in getting to the source of our judgements. Let’s consider how each of us is continuously forming first impressions of the people and places we see, due to what we take in.
Start by noticing what you notice
Think about a recent time when you met someone new or entered a new situation. What was your first impression? Did you immediately form an opinion about the person, the environment, or the situation?
Now (and this is important) try to go back to before you formed an opinion. Can you recall what you were noticing? This might take some time to work out because the ways we pay attention are very ingrained. Did you notice faces, clothing, colours in the presentation slides, or your own internal voice?
Don’t jump to conclusions about what that all means. Instead, get curious, and recognise that each of these perceptions affects how you feel and behave which, in turn, influences how the world responds to you.
Developing perceptive capability is important
Communication is multi-dimensional, involving the physiological, verbal, and social. Background, culture, upbringing and even mood all shape how we perceive the people and things around us. What we perceive affects how we feel, the tension in our bodies, the pitch of our voices, and whether we speak at all. These unconscious shifts impact our behaviour, shaping the entire communication dynamic.
Planning a talk or speaking up in meetings can get very “brainy”. We think about words, content and meeting logistics. But everyone in the room is experiencing subtle, physiological responses to each other, the space and the content. Communication, and whether a meeting goes poorly, well, or really well, is all about the relational and a tonne about what is happening in our bodies.
Enhancing perception is not another self-improvement exercise
My study of somatic and contemplation disciplines shows that changing our perceptive capability (i.e. what and how much we notice) helps us to be better communicators and do more good. You can start by simply noticing: What sensations are in my body? What do I see and hear?
Don’t rush to interpret, as this will close you off to noticing more. Don’t treat it as a skill to nail (and then offer expensive workshops in!) because you will close yourself off to noticing more. Simply, notice. Recognise that you are taking in more information than you realise. The mindfulness element to this practice may make you feel more relaxed, but you may also feel a little uncomfortable. You may realise you are taking in things that don’t fit with your idea of yourself. Try to notice the discomfort too, and don’t rush to “fix” it. Over time, this practice has helped me to take in more nuance, to be a better listener, kinder and more empathetic. The work is ongoing.
It takes time to develop perceptive capability
There’s a purpose to remembering that first impressions count, beyond dressing and behaving “right”. Turning up with care and sensitivity means respecting your context and being open to what you don’t yet know. Rather than limiting yourself to the superficial and obvious, notice your first impressions of your environment and soften into your perceptive capability. This will expand your awareness and attention and, over time, help you to better understand yourself, appreciate others, and do more good in the world. But remember, don’t turn this into another self-improvement exercise – enhancing perception requires gentleness, care and time.
Rachael West is an executive coach and strategic speaker coach in Melbourne, Australia. She has clients across Australia and draws on a range of movement disciplines to help her, and her clients, be better communicators.
STRATEGIC SPEAKER COACH RACHAEL WEST 