It’s tempting to think we can, and should, avoid the complexity of human relating because it takes “too much” time. The busier we get, though, the more critical it is that we take care with the nuance of communication. Even in Zoom meetings.
When I am in meetings that seem disorganised, I can feel despondent. When folks read or send emails during a Zoom call, otherwise multi-task, or when one voice gets more airtime than others, I have the deep feeling that no one is making the best use of their time.
For a long time, I worried I was being righteous in decreeing the “proper” way to behave. After all, social conventions change and perhaps my ideals are no longer relevant. I have concluded since, though, that meeting etiquette really does matter and, furthermore, is the perfect place to start dealing with the existential crises humanity faces – because a meeting is a container of human relating where we decide (or don’t) what happens next.
Writing that meetings could save the world felt like a stretch, initially.
My first versions of this article were toned down. “Meetings save the world” was a lighthearted, pithy ending. Then I realised that meetings are often – or, should be – where groups of people who know about a topic make important decisions. Meetings are also a place where individuals who may never have met had they not chosen a particular cause or profession, relate. These elements makes meetings pretty unique and powerful.
Despite this fascinatingly amazing thing we do called a “meeting”, poorly-run meetings are usually accepted as an unavoidable part of working life. We accept meetings that start late, where pre-reading is not read and decisions are postponed because we weren’t able to discuss them with real rigour.
The consequences of a poorly-run meeting go further than the abstract idea of wasted time. If I am in charge of a meeting and I start late, let a few people talk more than others, or don’t pull someone up when they say something derogatory, an already stressed team member may become even more cynical. If I give a lacklustre welcome that makes participants feel awkward, they may not be able to take in everything I say, let alone feel like speaking up on issues for which their input matters. If it becomes clear my meeting will run overtime and I do nothing to indicate how I will manage this, folks will probably spend the remainder of the time distracted by how late they will be to their next session. Behaviours we dismiss as “just how it is” can make people feel rubbish, change their ability and willingness to contribute, and diminish the quality of choices by an organisation. Decisions an organisation make are the organisation. Meetings (or something like them) are often where those decisions are made.
“Meetings save the world” is now my headline.
Our brains are all very busy right now. This looks unlikely to change anytime soon, so why add to the stress by running a meeting in a way that leads to poor decision-making, re-work and organisational risk? On the more positive side, I want meetings to be where we have great discussions that lead to useful decisions. This requires space to think, sense, be critical and to see opportunities from multiple perspectives. A well-considered meeting allows a team to show foresight, hold complexity and make strategic decisions. (If you think your meeting isn’t about something important enough to fit into the complex and strategic categories, then you get to reduce your meeting time! Be careful, though – it may be that you just know your stuff so well that you have forgotten how much knowledge you and your team are working with.)
We know from the realm of occupational health and safety that if we continue to ignore trip hazards or worn out electric cords, it is very likely that there will eventually be a major injury or death. Ignoring trickier parts of communication is the same. People not speaking up when they should can lead to a difficult work environment and projects that are months behind schedule. As attention spans get tested (not to mention while there is increasing conflict, injustice and pain in the world) it will become easier for reactivity to blow things up. Small moments of responding and relating with care are going to become more and more critical.
Meetings can feel like a waste of time. Or they can be great.
I realised through writing this, that meetings are an excellent place to test, develop and enhance complex communication skills, because:
1. You get to prepare.
2. You have a container.
3. You generally know who will be there.
4. You have an excuse to “follow up” if things don’t go well or to make sure things get done.
We can train ourselves to hold more. To be aware of more. To care for more. A small group of people coming together to talk about something they are invested in is the perfect place.
Changing how we meet as a group is how we start changing the way we all feel, relate and think.
Work meetings are a place to start saving the world, by learning to handle the messy, human part of everything with grace. This includes the occasional, human meltdown in a sea of possible emotions. So, rather than thinking of your next meeting as an inevitable exercise in tolerance, notice that you have walked into a container where you can literally change your organisation’s future.
Rachael West is a coach, movement educator and strategic speaker coach. She has been supporting clients to communicate complex topics in a way that helps ideas ripple for nearly 20 years. Get in touch to find out about individual coaching and in-house workshops.
STRATEGIC SPEAKER COACH RACHAEL WEST 