Story has long been a powerful tool for learning, connecting and finding meaning
Myth and literature shape our understanding of culture, and telling stories helps us find our place within that culture. Today, storytelling thrives in politics, business and therapy, to heal, attract support and raise awareness. But what does good storytelling look like when feelings are strong and perspectives seem to be in conflict?
In my postgraduate sexology studies, I looked at the role of story and narrative in the way we understand gender and sexuality. I coach many women and non-binary people to speak about gender-related experiences in the workplace. Often, they tell personal stories to enact change. But while women and non-binary people have been gaining voice and representation in some places and contexts (with full acknowledgement this has not been the case for all) the anger directed at them in certain other situations is increasing. I wanted to understand what we could do about it.
Emotions change how people interpret what we say
Like many others, I can feel despair and negativity when I see negativity and vitriol increasing. It seems very reasonable to feel angry. I know, though, that speaking from a place of anger is not always going to be helpful. My interest is in how speaking can lead to long-term change, and so, as communicators, we need to understand and work with the strong feelings circulating in the community. Prompted by the ethics component of my studies, I went back back to first principles and considered the ethics of storytelling. I began with the premise, “Do no harm”.
Ethical Proposition 1: Public storytelling should not harm the speaker
Let’s look first at the impact of storytelling on the speaker. Let’s say, hypothetically, you invite someone to tell their story of hardship in order to raise awareness about your charity. If the organisation gets money as a result but the speaker feels like “inspiration porn,” that would most likely be unethical.
Ethical Proposition 2: Public storytelling should benefit the speaker
Instead, you would find a way for the speaker to tell their story that they find meaningful and benefits your organisation. This means that the life of the speaker is enriched as a result of speaking publicly.
Ethical Action 1: Recognise the barriers to speaker benefit
As a speaker coach, one of my roles is to help speakers consider the thoughts and beliefs that may prevent an audience from taking in their message, or that prevent the speaker from saying what they really mean. One important barrier to pay attention to is society’s often unconscious formation of “master narratives”. Master narratives tell us collectively what is “good”, such as “hard work will lead to success” or “the war on drugs”.
A common master narrative right now is “redemptive storytelling”, which Kate McLean and a team of researchers write more about. In redemptive storytelling, a person who went through challenging times tells their listeners what they learnt from their difficulties and how they became a better person as a result. Audiences like these stories and they can also help the individual feel more positive about their life.
However, the redemptive storytelling master narrative presents a risk. Speakers can feel obliged to provide a successful and positive outcome that came from their bad experience, particularly if they are part of a marginalised group, so that the audience has a positive response. For example: “Yes, I went through trauma and abuse, but this is how my life has changed for the better”. That can be demeaning for the speaker, and mean the real issues are not discussed.
Ethical Action 2: To benefit the speaker, understand the audience
In most situations, the most effective way to get your message across is not to simply get up on stage and tell it how it is. I.e. “Actually, things were pretty shit and I am angry”. It’s a bit weird and a bit counterintuitive and a bit annoying, but audiences get triggered and have feelings.
(Please note that I am talking here about speaking in public places and not the listening space of good friends or a therapist).
It seems unfair to have to take someone else’s reaction into account when you share your hardship! Surely the listener should be responsible for managing their own stuff if they feel uncomfortable about someone else’s lived experience, particularly if they come from a more “privileged” place. Why should someone from a historically marginalised group worry if their audience finds it “hard”?
Triggered listeners are unlikely to respond effectively
An audience who reacts with only shame, anger or guilt is less likely to have the capacity for compassion. They are less likely to be moved towards the positive action we would hope. Their defensive reactivity could even lead them to cause harm, through hateful language or violence.
Instead, by including the way your story affects your audience and the action they take as one part of your strategic preparation for a talk or event, along with your shared context, and the change you want to see in the world, you are better place to create something that serves you and your mission.
Ethical storytelling looks beyond the speaker
When you invite speakers to your events to tell their stories of hardship, start by understanding the impact you want to have in the world and a strategic inquiry that includes barriers within yourself and your audience and your shared context. Then, ethically shape your narrative and delivery so that the storytelling benefits the speaker, your audience and the people whose lives you seek to improve.
The image for this post was created by WordPress using AI. Some of my references for the text are:
Abkhezr, P. (2024). The narrative lens in the therapeutic context: An overview of narrative therapy. In McMachon, M. & Abkhezr, P. (Eds.), Narrative career counselling: From theory to practice in diverse cultures and contexts. Routledge.
Adler, D. R. (2024). Making visible the “mental wreckage”: A historical materialist reading of Milkman. Journal of Modern Literature.
Campbell, J. (1949). The hero with a thousand faces. New World Library.
Cloitre, M., Lovelund, A. A., Jackson, C., Edward, D., & Baker, M. (2024). STAIR Narrative Therapy for complex posttraumatic stress disorder: Treating sexual and gender minority trauma. Journal of Clinical Psychology.
Delker, B. C., Michel, P., Fogel, C. A., Patterson, A. L., Mize, G., Huber, T., & McLean, K. C. (2024). How do young men narrate the redemption story of a sexual assault perpetrator? European Journal of Psychotraumatology.
Dworkin, E. R., Brill, C. D., & Ullman, S. E. (2019). Social reactions to disclosure of interpersonal violence and psychopathology: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review.
McAdams, D. P. (2013). The positive psychology of adult generativity: Caring for the next generation and constructing a redemptive life. In Positive psychology (pp. 191-205). Springer.
McLean, K. C., Delker, B. C., Dunlop, W. L., Salton, R., & Syed, M. (2020). Redemptive stories and those who tell them are preferred in the U.S. Collabra: Psychology
Rachael West is an executive coach and strategic speaker coach in Melbourne and Berlin. She has clients globally. Get in touch to discuss how she can increase the impact of the speakers at your next event.
STRATEGIC SPEAKER COACH RACHAEL WEST 